What are we doing?

I just need to get a few things off my chest, this one will be all over the place.

What are we doing? I spend all my waking hours thinking about you, dreaming of a future with you in it. While you are going out on what can basically be described as dates. It truly breaks me thinking about it.

Took me 2 whole days to type that one out. Couldn't type, always bawled instead....

I cried a lot when you told me about your coffee dates. You told me about your trip today. You completely broke me when you told me youre not going alone. How easy has it been for you to move on. What led us to this point? It certainly wasn't me moving away, nor was it me looking at another girl's instagram profile. Has this all been time pass for you? Why did you message me again? Why? I was doing okay, the crying wasn't as often as this, no more than twice a day. Now I am crying like a child with not a word from you. I can imaging this is how you must have felt all those times over the last few weeks, when we would not speak. So I am sorry. Except while I was just silent, you are silent and you have abandoned me. How easy was it for you to move on like it meant nothing to you. You dont even want to try working things out. Everything you said to me has been bullshit, you meant none of it, I meant nothing to you. 

Part of me wants you to be happy to move on, another part of me wants you to never experience an ounce happiness unless it's with me. Because I never will. I will always want you. I dont know if I will ever show you this stuff but I wanted to get this off my chest. Why are you doing this Priyansha? Did I not make you happy? Did I not love you? You have found new ways to hurt me so much. I don't want to remain in this state. I miss you. I love you. Please let talk and work things out, time will pass. I will be back with you very soon.