Why?

Today I feel abandoned by you. Why would you do this to me?

Did you not mean any of what you said to me? I feel so numb and emotionless. I chose to come here and not be a loser so I could come back as 'someone' who is more accomplished. You of all people understood this. How did we get here? where did we go wrong? You make me feel like I have never been good enough for you, but when I think more about it I conclude that I have been perfect for you. But should I have to convince you to be with me? Should I want to be with someone who does not want to be with me? Is that good for me? You have your reasons for not wanting to be with me so I don't think I can keep in touch with you. We can be friends, sure. The kind that send each other a message once on their birthday. I am willing to sacrifice so much to be with you and you don't give a shit. Despite where we go, 'll never stop loving you, you will always be my monkey! I will love you forever, you dont know how much my heart desires to be one with you again. 

I don't understand when did you stop loving me? Is it around your birthday when I couldn't get you a good gift? I have thought so much (at least over a month) about what I would get you for your next birthday to make up for it. You have no idea how many times I have played handing it to you in my head, seeing your reaction. I made a mistake. I am human. Please forgive me. Please take me back. I pray that you do. I love you and I miss you. 

Doing all this writing takes me back to when I came here with all the crying I have been doing. Anyways, I love you. Please get your head right and come back to me. I am always with you. Waiting. I love you.